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Author Topic: Most accurate lifting list ever?  (Read 1193 times)

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Pork Twain

Most accurate lifting list ever?
« on: February 18, 2016, 06:02:30 am »

1.  I like having to think, "Is this really worth getting up for?" before doing anything.

5.  I like feeling hot and sweaty when sitting in an air conditioned room with my shirt off and a fan blowing on me. This is how I spend most days at work!

17.  I like coming up with excuses to avoid places like the zoo, amusement parks, fairs or any other place that involves a shitload of walking in hot weather. Yeah, let's all go to Disney World!

21.  I always like it when I'm the passenger in a compact car. First you have a hell of a time getting into the car as it feels like you're doing a one-leg squat down to a shoe box. Then when you reach your destination you find you're curbside parked. You go to open the door and you hear the oh-so-familiar scratch of the car door on the curb. This sound runs down your spine like fingernails on a chalkboard.

You then look out the door and see that you're required to do the deepest one-leg squat in history to get out. The only way you'll be able to do this is to arch your back and press your feet into the floor as hard as you can to begin to lift yourself up in the seat as you would on a hack squat machine. If done correctly, you can gain up to six inches before you take the side lunge from hell to get out.

Once you're in the proper position you should be able to take the leap of faith to get out. If this wasn't bad enough, you always know that it's not over after the first step. You know there's a very good chance you'll end up losing your balance as you get out and end up taking a few awkward backward steps once you clear the door. The worst thing of all is knowing once you get out you'll have to find a way to get back in.

22.  I love feeling like I'm getting more jacked and ripped at the same time, yet every picture I see of myself shows a fat bloated pig. I guess it's true that a picture can add two rolls and twenty pounds of fat. Okay, thirty.


Guinness Snout

Re: Most accurate lifting list ever?
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2016, 07:34:22 pm »

+1 to all of those, haha!

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